


A Troublesome Habit

by AideStar



Series: Linked Universe Fics [18]
Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Addiction, Alcohol Withdrawal, Caffeine Addiction, Crack, Dehydration, Drunkenness, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Hangover, I give all the boys weird habits and things go south, LISTEN IT'S CRACK I SWEAR, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Poisoning, Self-Medication, Underage Drinking, uhh these tags make it sound like a heavy fic uh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25017841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AideStar/pseuds/AideStar
Summary: “I cannot believe I have to say this,” Time sucked in a breath, immensely tired. “But there will beno more poisoning yourselfon this adventure. And that goes for all of you.”---The heroes have odd drinking habits. Legend drinks too much coffee, Wind has a flask, and when was the last time Hyrule drank water..?
Series: Linked Universe Fics [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1758937
Comments: 47
Kudos: 688





	A Troublesome Habit

**Author's Note:**

> This is crack I SWEAR the tags... the tags are misleading. This idea began because I like to project on Legend and Wild and my brain supplied 'Legend drinks 10 cups of coffee a day and Wild mixes scalding hot drinks with his finger bc he can't feel it' and this fic was born. Also, I wrote this on my third cup of coffee lmfao  
> Definitely had to put the underage drinking tag on there bc I know most ppl didn't start drinking at 16 like me and it's Not Okay (def not condoning it!) but also, Wind secretly drinking is a fave headcanon of mine so... don't try anything in this fic at home kids, except maybe Sky's habit (and Time's, since his is only bad in context). The working title of this fic was 'Drinking Problems' bc of the joke from Airplane where the guy can't aim and always splashes himself with water instead of drinking it... I'm dumb. So I made up a new title because the implication of the original is better known than the reference oops  
> Thank you guys for checking out my work! If you enjoy it please leave a comment or kudos! They make my day :D I'm going to be uploading fics every week still, just not every day since I have 120k words of fic done now and don't want to entirely burn myself out trying to maintain my current productivity :) love you guys!

“Legend…” Twilight began, hesitant, but he’d already sealed his fate as the shorter man whipped his head around with narrowed eyes.

“Twilight.” Legend replied, impassive. He took a long sip from his drink.

“Is it healthy to be drinking that much coffee?”

Legend blinked, unimpressed. He glanced down at his modest cup. “It’s just a normal cup.”

“Yeah, but it’s your _third_ normal cup today.” Twilight sighed.

“So?” Legend took another sip and Twilight groaned.

“It’s not even noon!”

“And?”

Twilight snapped his mouth shut, Legend fixing him with a bored look and a small smirk as he took _another sip_ of his drink.

“This conversation is _not_ over,” Twilight jabbed a finger towards the veteran, who simply shrugged.

\---

The group had been walking since sunrise and the heat of the afternoon bore down on them, making each step heavier than the last. Wild trudged beside Twilight, face pale and movements sluggish. He peered up at the sun for a moment, and Legend watched curiously as Wild retrieved a light blue potion from his slate. He was hiding it from the others, but Legend realized as the kid knocked the thing back without a trace of a grimace at the taste, that he’d seen Wild drink an _abnormal_ amount of potions in their time together.

Like, more than one a day abnormal.

Legend nudged Hyrule, who blinked up at him tiredly through matted bangs.

“‘Rule, isn’t it bad to drink a lot of potions?” Legend whispered, and Hyrule hummed thoughtfully.

“Not necessarily _bad_. If you rely on them too much you’ll grow resistant to the effects though, and taking too many at once can make you sick. Why?” Hyrule blinked up at him. Legend shrugged, already filing the blackmail material away for later.

\---

“You’re going to get dehydrated at this rate.” Twilight intoned disapprovingly as Legend poured himself his fourth--no, _fifth_ cup of coffee that day. Legend hummed, already sipping at the piping hot and pitch black liquid.

“It’s made with water, isn’t it?” Legend eventually replied, and Twilight resisted the urge to scream.

“ _That doesn’t mean anything!_ ” his exasperated tone only served to widen Legend’s smile.

“Y’know, I think I drink more water than most of us,” Legend hummed, smile only growing wider as Twilight fumed. “Coffee gets rid of headaches too, so technically I’m drinking medicine.”

“That is not how it works and you know it,” Twilight grumbled, pursing his lips as Legend continued to sip at his drink. “Coffee makes you dehydrated. Dehydration causes headaches--”

“So does caffeine withdrawal!” Wind piped up from his seat on the ground nearby, earning himself a glare from both Legend and Twilight.

“I think I’ve made my point.” Legend announced, turning on his heel and stalking out of camp.

“What point!” Twilight shouted after. He got no reply.

\---

Hyrule had been watching Wind carefully. No, it wasn’t because the kid was injured or anything, although at this rate that was a possibility. It just so happened that Hyrule had been watching Wind because the boy had been looking around suspiciously and had a rather devious grin on his face. So, Hyrule watched Wind, and Hyrule was the only one to notice when the boy slipped away after dinner into the surrounding woods.

“Don’t you think Wind has been acting sort of strange?” Hyrule asked Legend, who simply shrugged, sipping yet another cup of coffee.

“Hell if I know, why?”

“He was acting shifty all night and he left camp a few minutes ago without telling anyone.” Hyrule pursed his lips, and Legend looked around with a tired look on his face.

“Guess you’re right.” he sighed. Well, it seemed this would be Hyrule’s responsibility then.

He got to his feet and followed Wind. It didn’t take long before he stumbled upon the boy a little ways out, drinking from a metal flask and hiding behind a tree.

“Wind, what in Hylia’s name are you doing.” Hyrule huffed, and Wind promptly froze.

Flask still raised, Wind glanced between the vessel and Hyrule. “Nothing.”

“What is that?”

“Uh…” Wind lowered the flask slightly. “Water?”

It was most certainly not water.

“Give.” Hyrule stretched out his hand. He thought it would be simple. That was his first mistake.

Wind capped the flask and shoved it into his tunic in one fluid motion before taking off.

“Well, fuck.”

\---

“Hyrule, we need to talk.” Time announced, disappointment heavy in his tone.

Hyrule froze in his seat by the fire, shooting a questioning glance at Wild who simply shrugged in response. Time sat down beside him, already looking immeasurably tired, and rested the heavy weight of his gaze on the traveller.

“When was the last time you drank water?”

Hyrule paused. That was not the question he’d been expecting to hear, to say the least.

“Uhm.” Hyrule paused again. When was it again? Thursday? “I think I had some when I fell in that lake last week…”

Wild stilled over his cookpot and Time let out a long suffering sigh.

“Hyrule, you need to drink water.” Time sounded quite pained. “I mean, _actually_ drink it, not accidentally inhale some when you swim.”

“Why would I drink water?” Hyrule was confused. He’d never drank water at home, all the lakes and rivers were poisoned or infested by monsters and the ocean was out of the question. Wild had a very odd look on his face and Time seemed to be trying to sink into the ground.

“Your body needs water to _survive_ , kid.”

“What? No it doesn’t, I’m perfectly fine and I’ve never had water in my life.”

“Hyrule, do you have a headache right now?” Wild suddenly cut in, voice surprisingly serious.

“Uh, I guess, a little.” Hyrule paled. Why were they so concerned?

Wild stood abruptly, grabbed his waterskin, and thrust it into Hyrule’s hands.

“Drink.” he ordered, and Hyrule hesitantly did so.

Ugh, water tasted _gross_.

\---

“Wind, what’s that in your hand?” Sky asked, eyebrows raised curiously. Wind had been taking sips out of some strange metal thing all night, and Sky couldn’t resist his curiosity any longer.

Wind’s eyes widened comically, boring into Sky’s own with intensity he hadn’t been expecting. Sky paled slightly. Maybe he shouldn’t have invaded the young sailor’s privacy, oh no, he didn’t mean to pry…

Wind hummed, a cunning little smile splitting his face.

“It’s a drink I learned to make back home. Tastes like shit, but it makes you feel invincible. Pirate stuff.” Wind’s tone was casual, but Sky felt like he was being told a very important secret. “Want to try?”

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to impose.” Sky assured, but Wind placed the bottle in his hands.

“Try it.”

Sky took a large sip and instantly regretted it. It tasted like fire and burned his throat as it went down. He pulled the bottle away, wincing as Wind cackled like a madman beside him. The liquid seemed to pool in his stomach, warm and… nice, actually. That wasn’t a bad feeling. He slowly took a smaller sip, Wind grinning ear to ear.

\---

“Alright, who got Sky drunk last night? I’m not mad, I just wanna talk.” Legend groused the next morning. Seven innocent eyes met his, none betraying themselves as the bastard who’d destroyed Sky’s innocence.

“No one’s going to fess up, huh? Really? Have you _seen_ him this morning?” Legend was struggling to keep his voice down for the hero who was doubled over with a headache beside him. Again, no one spoke. “Sky, please, who did this to you?”

“No one,” Sky mumbled, head throbbing. He would _not_ reveal Wind’s secret after the boy had trusted him with information so close to his heart.

“I’m watching all of you. Closely.” Legend narrowed his eyes at the others and took a long sip of coffee.

\---

“Hey, Sky,” Wild’s soft voice nudged him out of his sleepy stupor.

“Hm?” Sky managed, eyelids heavy.

“What’s in that tea you’re always drinking?”

Sky blinked, fighting back the urge to sleep. They were stopped for the night, he _could_ sleep, but it would be rude to leave Wild without an answer. Slowly, he searched through his bag and produced the packets that he used to make his tea. Wild became so quiet he nearly drifted off.

“Sky.”

“Wha?”

“This is Chamomile tea.” Wild sounded confused.

“Yep.” Sky was too tired to wrap his head around this conversation. “Wha’s wrong?”

“Chamomile tea makes you _fall asleep_.” Wild sighed, tired. “You drink this constantly. Why do you drink this? What the hell, Sky.”

“Oh...” Sky blinked for a moment, surprised. “My life makes sense, suddenly…”

\---

Time stood, towering over the tiny form of Wind with a tired gaze. “Wind, it’s time to stop.”

Wind, and Legend, snorted. Time ignored it.

“This is an intervention. No more alcohol.” Time sighed, and Wind froze.

“What’s alcohol?”

“Don’t play dumb, I’ve seen your flask.” Time asserted, and Wind’s smile fell.

“Oh.”

“Hand it over.”

Wind reached between his tunics and pulled out his flask, a dreary look on his face. Time took it, swishing the bottle to find it mostly empty.

“I’m disappointed in you, kid. This stuff can really screw up your development. I don’t want to catch you drinking it again.” Time’s voice was stern, and Wind nodded sadly.

Satisfied, Time nodded and left with the flask. A few minutes later Wind pulled a canteen from his bag and took a long swig.

Legend narrowed his eyes across the clearing, drinking his coffee. Their eyes met, searching.

Legend approached and Wind tensed, holding the canteen tight in his lap.

“Let me see that.” Legend’s voice was deathly calm, and Wind slowly handed him the canteen.

Legend poured the clear liquid into his coffee, took a sip, and hummed. He handed the canteen back. Wind deflated.

“You better not get Sky drunk again,” Legend called as he left, voice too calm, smirk sharp, and Wind shuddered.

\---

“Nope, no more for you.” Wild announced as Legend approached the coffeepot with an empty mug. “Twilight instructed me to cut you off after three cups. It’s not healthy.”

“Three cups?” Legend squawked, turning a sharp glare towards Warriors as he laughed. “Listen kid, this body needs more than three cups to run all day. Do you _want_ me to get killed in a fight?”

Wild crossed his arms with a defiant frown. “You won’t get killed. Jeez, it’s just coffee.”

“ _Just coffee?_ I guess the elixirs you’re constantly drinking are ‘just potions’ then.” Legend shot back, and Wild stiffened.

“Th-those are medicinal!” he insisted, just a bit too quickly. Legend smirked.

“So is my coffee. Now back off.” Legend glared, and Wild didn’t stop him as he poured another cup. Point number three for Legend, _yes_.

\---

“Hey Twi?” Wild’s slurred voice broke the silence of camp, too loud in the dead of night. Twilight elbowed him to say as much but Wild merely giggled. “Twi, d’ya ever feel like… ever feel… Twi?”

“Wild, go to _sleep_.” Twilight grumbled, burrowing deeper into his pelt.

“Twi?

“Twi, y’know when… the stars… ther’re so _many_.”

“Yes, Wild, now _please go to bed_.”

“Can’t sleep.” Wild whined.

Twilight groaned.

“Gotta take m’ potion.”

“ _You took it thirty minutes ago._ ” Why did Twilight put up with this? Why did he _encourage_ it? He knew how badly Wild slept without his sleeping potion, he’d seen the effects of the night terrors one too many times. It still didn’t explain why he didn’t simply knock Wild out each night. He wouldn’t sleep either way, it seemed.

Wild gazed up at the stars beside him, too dizzy to sit up with an awed look on his face. Twilight felt his eyes slip shut with a sigh when Wild didn’t respond. Maybe he could get a few minutes--

“Hey Twi?”

“ _Goddessdamn it, Wild._ ”

\---

“Alright, so tell me what happened.” Time sighed, far too tired for this so early in the morning. Around camp, half of his boys were either curled in their bedrolls or slumped uselessly by the fire in various states of discomfort. Twilight had woken him up with a perturbed look on his face, and Time could see why.

Hyrule had his head clutched in his hands, whining, while Legend sat barely awake beside him, a deep scowl on his face. Wild had bags under his eyes and a pained look on his face as he stared into the embers of the fire, looking like he’d tip over any moment. Wind was curled in his bedroll, shivering, and Sky sat propped against a tree as if he hadn’t slept in days. Warriors, Twilight, and Time seemed to be the only ones unaffected by… whatever this was, and Four was nowhere in sight.

“We haven’t been to town in a few weeks. We ran out of coffee yesterday, tea three days ago, and potions four. _Wind_ ran out of ingredients for his moonshine sometime this week too, from the looks of it. Hyrule just hasn’t been drinking water. Again.” Twilight listed with an unsympathetic look on his face.

Why was this his responsibility again? Time just wanted to go back to bed. He’d run out of milk a few days back and was feeling about as bad as Wind looked to be. Someone had decided to make him the leader though, and he had an image to uphold for their sake, so he straightened his posture and pinched the bridge of his nose and pretended the headache he felt was caused by annoyance.

“Where’s Four?” Time finally managed, and Twilight looked around as if he hadn’t noticed the smithy’s absence.

“I’m here,” Four’s voice announced from the treeline, rasping and weak. He stumbled into camp and promptly collapsed on his bedroll with a groan.

“Four, not you too!” Warriors sounded scandalized and Legend lifted his head tiredly to give the smithy a dubious look.

“Wait, are you serious? What’s your thing then?” Legend’s voice was thick and tired, and Four only shifted his head towards him to speak, still sprawled out.

“I’m not an _idiot_ , I didn’t get myself addicted to something.” Four sniped back, face screwing up in pain.

“Then what _did_ you do?” Time found himself asking, because apparently this fell on his shoulders to fix. Four wouldn’t meet his eyes, glancing every which way.

“I may… have been trying to build a resistance to… poison.” Four eventually said, guilt written all over his face.

Time blinked.

“You’ve been poisoning yourself?”

“Only a little!”

“ _Since when?_ ” Twilight shouted in exasperation, only to be met by groans and tired glares from most of the party.

“Since the end of my second adventure,” Four mumbled. “I’m immune to nearly every major type now, but I accidentally used too much last night.”

Everyone fell silent at the strange turn of events.

“I cannot believe I have to say this,” Time sucked in a breath, immensely tired. “But there will be _no more poisoning yourself_ on this adventure. And that goes for all of you.”


End file.
